All I Really Need to Know I Learned on Twitter.

I’ve been blogging for almost a year. (Yes, we will walk down memory lane together next week). I have broken the 100-friend milestone on Facebook. Now it’s time to tackle the Twitter. Once I'm all atwitter (and when my ShopBot 3000 is operational and picking up the groceries for me), I’ll have eliminated a need for direct human contact completely!

I started a Twitter account months ago, but ignored it until last week when I dove into the pool with real intention. Now I’m keeping tabs on Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) even though he has 735,593 followers and only reciprocates by following 376 people. I don’t think I’ll be trading quips with Mr. Gaiman. I've had a few hot looking hookers (I presume) sign up to follow me. (They're blocked). The bottom line is I need a bigger social web of people I actually know. If YOU want to follow me on Twitter, I'm there as @mightytoycannon.

One thing I’ve learned this week is that putting a hashmark (#) next to a word or phrase makes it easier for others to search for posts on the same topic. For instance, searching for “#iranelections” became a popular way to keep track of all the tweets related that volatile issue.

Twitter keeps track of the frequency with which words are used and hashmarked, then displays a listing of the top “trends” for the day. Over the past week, for instance, “#MJ” has been exceptionally popular. Yesterday, folks started tagging their posts “#firstdraftmovielines,” thus starting a fun game in which tweeps re-imagined famous movie quotes in their early draft form, with many hilarious results.

But the trend that attracted my attention last night was a topic labeled, “#notagoodlook.” As I reviewed hundreds of tweets with that tag, I was not only entertained, but learned important self-improvement tips. For readers who have not yet joined the Twitterverse, the following is a list of 28 of the finest tweets tagged with #notagoodlook. I have not edited them. You should read them out loud with dramatic flair. My personal favorites are #10, #18 and #26. And I think I’m going to start saying “Hot Mess!” more often. Do you have any favorites? Or maybe you want to add to the list.

1. Not a good look is when a guy has dreads and it’s in the style of a mullet! Hot mess!

2. Not a good look is when them females got them outrageous fake nails like that curl and shit and they fake. No class!

3. Not a good look is when u Always Got To Ask Somebody For A dollar...Yo Po ass.

4. If you a grown ass man with holes in your socks is not a good look.

5. Not a good look is rockin bummy shoes outside like they crispy. Keep that shit within the crib's walls.

6. Not a good look is people who think their swagga is right, because they swagga jacked.

7. Not a good look is to piss your pants/skirts/shorts after a wild nite at a club/bar! male or female! control ur bladder!

8. Not a good look is celebrities with f*cked up teeth. U got too much money for that!

9. Not a good look is you rockin the same outfit on our first date that u did when i met u...its cute..but not THAT cute girl!

10. Not a good look is pulling off your wig at church 2 scratch urr head. damn!

11. Not a good look is producers using appregiated synths on every track. Give dat shit up already!!

12. Not a good look is goin 2 da library just to check ya twitter/myspace/facebook. There's books in dere 2 you know.

13. Not a good look is to ask a girl out and not have a vehicle! Hell, she might as well have asked YOU out!

14. Not a good look is not knowing what some of these abbreviations mean. I'm clueless over here.

15. Not a good look is when you die your hair a wack ass color like lime green ..or something..

16. Not a good look is gettin someone name tattooed on u that got someone else's name tattooed on them but not yours

17. Not a good look is if u prefer pepsi over coke...Im jus sayin. pepsi is better than coke ... Jus sayin!!

18. Not a good look is very very drunk sluts that cant control themselves well i guess thats ok but crazy drunks

19. Not a good look is stank breath and you love to talk

20. Not a good look is playin wit females emotions!!!!!!!

21. Not a good look is when grown men are still wearing braids with beads... leave that to the little 5yr old girls

22. Not a good look is this bitch getting her hair braided in dunkin donuts right now. Like are you serious?

23. Not a good look is when they ask you "where you get crabs from around here" and you say "I think it was that bitch Ashley"...

24. Not a good look is NuNu and Nivea both being preggo by Weezy...NuNu seem sooo nice..she cudda done sooo much betta!

25. Not a good look is when your tracks are showing... handle that mama

26. People who think I won't beat their ass because I'm wearing this IKEA shirt. Not a good look. For YOU anyway.

27. Not a good look is putting negative energy in the universe. Karma is a motherf..

28. Not a good look is when u cant get yo ass off twitter........


Stephen said...

I have been Twatting since April & all I see or get are really mundane Tweets. I didn't know about this feature... great, I have another way to waste time.

Miss Laura said...

That hellishly loud vacuum sound that's sucking all the time away has a great percussion beat going right now ... and I'm totally entertained. Note to self: No wig in church.

MightyToyCannon said...

I have totally stopped rockin' bummy shoes outside like they crispy since discovering that list. When my wife recently showed me bruise on her arm from having a blood sample drawn, I immediately thought, "Not a good look is when your tracks are showing...handle that mama!"