Long Time No See.

Erstwhile friend and prolific blogger, Miss Laura of Art Scatter fame (that's not her in the picture), has chided and inveigled, nagged and cajoled about this site's lack of ...dismal record of...paucity of... that we haven't been posting anything lately.

"But blogging is so 2009!" I scream in response. "Twitter is the medium of the moment for cutting-edge provocateurs such as me. If it can't be said in 140 characters or less, you're saying too much."

But she's right. More than three months have passed without a peep out of me. So get off my back already. Here's something new:

November is National Novel Writing Month (popularly referred to as “NaNoWriMo”). If you’re so inclined, you can join thousands of other writers hellbent on cranking out at least 50,000 words over the span of thirty days. That works out to an average of 1,667 words per day...assuming you start on November 1st, which many diehards do at the stroke of midnight. If you procrastinate for the first ten days, you will have to average 2,500 words daily. So what's an extra 800+ words? On the other hand, if you wait until November 29th, you'll have to do 25,000 a day. Good luck with that.

Here’s what I’ve written so far:

CHAPTER 1

Marlowe Teablick entered the bookstore with a purposeful stride. An electronic chime sounded and the clerk looked up at him. Marlowe walked to the counter without stopping to browse at the display tables. He was full of purpose.

“Can I help you find something?” the clerk asked.

“I’m looking for something to read. What do you suggest?”

“Fiction or non-fiction?”

“Fiction. I’m planning to write a novel and I need inspiration,” explained Marlowe.

“Jonathan Franzen’s new novel is quite popular. Oprah endorsed it.” The clerk handed him a copy. “This one is autographed.”

Marlowe read the back cover and flipped through the book quickly. “These chapters are too long,” he said, handing the book back to the clerk. “I like short chapters so I can reach a stopping place when I get sleepy.”

“I understand,” said the clerk. “Perhaps you would enjoy a thriller.”

“That sounds good,” Marlowe answered. “I liked that DaVinci Code book and how Dan Brown ended each chapter with a cliffhanger. It made me want to keep reading.”

“Then I think you’ll really like this!” shouted the clerk as he pulled out a gleaming, 9mm Glock 17 and pointed it at Marlowe's head.

CHAPTER 2

Marlowe woke up in a bathtub full of ice...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I better get busy with the rest of it.

Notes:

1) You will find me on Twitter: @mightytoycannon

2) The second photo isn't Miss Laura either.

The Reading List

Quickly making the rounds on Facebook is this elucidating exercise: List fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you.

Participants are challenged to take no more than fifteen minutes to list the first fifteen books they can recall. It's a glorious opportunity to demonstrate (i.e., show off) how well-read one is.

As a voracious reader, my challenge was to narrow the list to only fifteen titles. I immediately eliminated childhood favorites such as "The Sticky Book of Sticky Things." Then I crossed off all of the college text books that shaped my world-view, starting with "Marxist Semiotics and Liberation Feminism in the Age of Reagan."

Having trimmed my list, I then took extra time to jot down some notes to accompany each entry. Readers are welcome to add their own favorites to the list.

Here goes:

The Stabby Butler
Warning: Don’t read the title first.

Sometimes a Great Motion
Not what I expected, but still good.

Don’t Grow up to be a Cowboy
A collection of motherly advice from a woman who knows.

Too Old For this Shit
If you think this is Danny Glover’s memoir, you’d be wrong.

The Cat-Faced Killer
Spoiler alert: It was the dog.

One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Vest
Again, I don’t know who Kent Keesey is, but the man can write.

The Necromancer of Wembley Falls
Can’t remember the plot. Necromancy? Remember being scared.

By the Beard of Xerxes!
A history of Babylonian revolt. Gripping.

14 Days to a Pustule Free You!
Took 15 days, but hey. No pustules!

Harvey Fenster and the Harrowing Glibbet of Howth
If you’re a J.K. Rowling fan, don’t miss this one.

Lady’s Knight
What can I say? I’m a sucker for Gothic Romance.

Lady Chatterley's Hovercraft
A steamy look at the future.

Pleasure Island
A coming-of-age pirate adventure. It's "all hands on deck" as a young man learns secrets from Billy Bones and encounters Long John Silver.

Flaubert’s Moustache
The natural history of a Frenchman’s upper lip. Engaging, though it droops at the end.

Pride and Prestidigitation
Elizabeth Bennet meets a surprisingly arrogant Harry Houdini

Back in the Saddle

Without a shred of guilt, I abandoned the blog and other responsibilities for a week of vacation. I don't know whether it was deserved or not, but I took it anyway. As I catch up with news from the local cultural front, it's like going back to school and finding everybody talking about their new best friends and all the great parties you missed.

First came the Drammy Awards. Culture Jock thoughtfully texted an update during the ceremonies, but it wasn't the same as being there. (I happened to be engrossed in a “House” marathon at the time. You'd be amazed at how many diseases cause bleeding from facial orifices). Faithful readers may recall that I made a few predictions a week before the award ceremony. Turns out I got a few right.

Am I prescient, or did my posts on Culture Shock affect the outcome? Might I be a “digital influencer?” I sure hope so, because Lincoln (of the Ford Lincolns) recently identified Dave Allen (and his Pampelmoose website) as such, loaning him a big red car in the hope that his digital influence would give the brand a hipster cachet. I’m not looking for a free car, but don't hesitate to send me books, CDs and tickets anytime you want. However, please DO NOT ask me to serve on the Drammy Committee because then I’d be forced to admit that I don’t really want to see that much theater in a single year.

Then came the Oregon Ballet Theatre’s “Dance United” benefit on Friday night. Those who were there have been swooning. Not only have I failed as an arts advocate by not attending, but I seem to have missed out on a memorable slice of Portland’s cultural history. Congratulations to OBT for pulling it off and for nearing its financial goals for the month. Special kudos to my colleague, Culture Jock, for writing his thorough synopses of the performances. I’ve also been reading Barry Johnson’s coverage at Portland Arts Watch, and am looking forward to Martha Ullman West’s expert review which will reportedly be out tomorrow.

I was also surprised to learn (again, via Culture Jock) of Jessica Jarratt’s appointment as Executive Director for the Cultural Advocacy Network (CAN). Just two days before I headed off for vacation, Jarratt helped facilitate a half-day retreat for the arts organization with which I’m associated. For the past year or so, she’s been lending us an independent perspective on fundraising strategies and serving as an able cheerleader. She’s personable and smart and her enthusiasm is infectious. She may not come from the arts community, but I doubt that will keep her from being a great leader for CAN--in fact, it might be an advantage. In a separate post, I’ll tell her what her priorities should be.

I know that what you really want to know is what I did on my summer vacation. Do you remember the 1994 Ang Lee film Eat Drink Man Woman? If you add the verbs “read” and “sleep” and the noun “dog,” then take away all the Chinese food and move it from Taipei to the Oregon coast, you’ll have a working title for my vacation. Did I do anything productive? Not really, but that’s not the purpose of vacations.

Before heading for the coast, I had a romantic vision that I’d spend time gazing out at the ocean while writing. This is how far I got: “I sit before a vast expanse of the sea-green Pacific as it stretches to the far eastern horizon smelling briny, like a large fishy ocean. The sunlight glints off the rippling surf while mighty whales frolic unseen amongst the plankton. How small are we before such vastness?”

Then I fixed another drink and opened a good book, one of three I finished at the coast. Inexplicably, all my reading choices involved the mysterious disappearance of children. (Last month, I happened to read three books in a row that were all ghost stories). Given the common theme, I thought I'd write a comprehensive review of all three. Now that it's Sunday afternoon and my remaining hours of vacation are dwindling, that seems like an awful lot of work. Until I get to that, here’s my reading list: “Polar” (T.R. Pearson); “In the Woods” (Tana French); and “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” (Stieg Larsson). The latter stands out thanks to its title character: A tattooed, pierced, uncommunicative, antisocial misfit who is also a brilliant investigator, computer hacker and nobody's passive victim.

Other cultural events of my week include finally seeing “Coraline,” which is playing in 3D at the Living Room Theatre. The concept of the venue is appealing: Watch a movie while supping on fine food. I ordered a Croque Monsieur (“Die, Mister” in French), which was served on a china plate with a green salad. It was a tasty meal, but awkward to eat without a table in front of me, and $9.00 for a grilled cheese and ham sandwich seemed steep no matter what you call it. Plus, no matter how comfortable the seating, you're still sitting in a movie theater with a few dozen strangers. The movie? I give it a B+.

The day we got home from the beach, we walked the two blocks from home to Pine State Biscuits for the first time. The tiny place was full, so we toted a pair of Reggie sandwiches home. The Reggie is a piece of fried chicken with bacon, cheese and gravy between two delicious biscuits. The chicken and gravy had a touch of peppery heat and the biscuits were perfect. The smiling sandwich in the picture below appears to be the Reggie Deluxe, which adds an egg to the mix. A heart attack in the making, but not a bad way to go--and not a bad way to be welcomed back to Portland.

"The Loop" -- An Oregon Collaboration

In 1931, thirteen Oregon writers collaborated to create “The Loop: A Tale of the Oregon Country,” a novel originally published by the Oregon Journal in serial form. They were a mix of men and women, all experienced in publishing novels and short stories for magazines such as Colliers, Harpers and the Saturday Evening Post. They dove into the project "for the entertainment of the game and for the value it might have in making Oregon readers conscious of the real size of the group of practicing professional writers that the state already boasts."

Author Dean Collins wrote the first and final chapters and devised the plot structure for the others to follow. The manuscript then circulated round-robin fashion, with each author contributing two, non-sequential chapters. According to the book's foreword, the whole project was completed by the group in about three months with "not a face slapped among them in the whole time."

The screwball action-romance novel relates the travels and misadventures of a dashing young couple who “meet cute” (as they say in the moving picture business) on the road to Hood River. The two quickly become ensnared in trouble and find themselves on the run from the law. Along the way, they pose as a circus act, encounter escaped convicts and wander through a raging forest fire. They may be responsible for a man's death and for violating the Mann Act. The pace is breathless and the setting is Oregon, starting on the Columbia River highway, venturing across the river to Goldendale, then back to Oregon to Zig Zag, Government Camp and environs --the Loop-- as shewn on this map from the book's frontispiece:

Dashing Don Malcomb is the scion of an established Oregon family—handsome, athletic and charming. At the story’s outset, Don is fleeing Portland and an arranged marriage, risking his share of the family fortune rather than agreeing to marry the “estimable young lady” with whom his family wishes to pair him. Don heads east via the Columbia River highway to find work in the hayfields of Eastern Oregon. (If the story were set in contemporary times, Don would be riding a bike on his way to join an indie rock band).

In the first chapter, Don encounters the independent firebrand, Patricia Thorne, also from a well-to-do family. Like Don, Pat has struck out after her guardian informed her that he has chosen a fine young man for her to marry. You have figured out where this is headed, haven't you?

Complicating this affair is the fact that Don and Pat’s respective families have been engaged in a feud for several generations. The cause of the feud isn’t mentioned, but doesn’t really matter. We pretty much know that the rift is going to be healed by these young, hot-headed whippersnappers.

Had this book been made into a movie, I imagine the producers would have cast Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn in the lead roles--or perhaps the Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert we know from “It Happened One Night.” Another apt comparison would be to William Powell and Myrna Loy in “The Thin Man” thanks to the sassy repartee in which they engage (sans martinis). The pair is even accompanied by a rescued Sealyham terrier that sounds an awful lot like Asta, the wirehair terrier from the movies. (The dog, McTavish, takes a licking but keeps popping up at the right moments--convenient because he gives the characters a reason to express their thoughts out loud).

I often read a few books at a time, picking up one or another depending on my mood. While reading “The Loop,” my other choice was Cormac McCarthy’s “No Country for Old Men.” Both novels are rooted in their respective regions with the landscape almost becoming a character in each story. Both novels involve the pursuit of criminal fugitives. In “The Loop,” the authorities are hunting for Don and Pat because they think they’ve stolen a car and injured a shady rodeo/circus operator during a mock horseback wedding. In “No Country,” a really nasty hitman is search for a guy who purloined millions of dollars from a drug deal gone sour, a sheriff is searching for the hitman, and another hitman is also searching for the money (a kind of a cat and mouse game, with a rabid dog or two thrown in to make it more exciting). In “The Loop” the action reaches a climax with an escape from a forest fire, followed by a denouement in which misunderstandings are resolved and the happy couple head off on a honeymoon. In “No Country,” several people get holes punched in their foreheads with a cattle gun, others are blown to pieces, cars explode and burn, and then there's the blood. In the end, nothing is resolved except that the Sheriff retires rather than face the unspeakable darkness that is destroying the country. Other than that, they’re practically the same.

“The Loop” was included in the Oregon Cultural Heritage Commission’s selection of the top 100 books that best define the state and its people (at least between 1800 and 2000). That list was issued in celebration of the Oregon State Library’s Centennial (it covers 1800 to 2000), and is not to be confused with the Oregon 150 list of books that “present a comprehensive view of the Oregon experience, including the stories and voices of the tribes that inhabited Oregon for millennia to those of the many cultures that live here today.” “The Loop” did not make the latter list—I suspect because it is out of print and its charm feels dated. These days we're all too sophisticated for breathless adventure and swooning and uncomplicated stories with happy endings ... aren't we?

Here is a list of the erstwhile authors, along with a photo of most of them:

Dean Collins, Sabra Conner, Harold Bradley Say, Anthony Euwer, Charles Alexander, Robert Ormond Case, Kathleen MacNeal Clark, Theodore Acland Harper, Sheba May Hargreaves, Stewart Holbrook and Major John D. Guthrie.