Preparing to be Pelted with Propaganda

As part of his secret plot to destroy America (reportedly titled “The Glorious March to a Shiny Socialist Future”), President Obama and his White House henchmen have launched a scheme to indoctrinate American school kids.

On September 8th, innocent children across our Great & Exceptional Nation (the greatest in the universe and in all history, past and future, without exception) will be strapped into their teeny school chairs and forced to witness Obama deliver a propaganda-laden screed liberally laced with poison and ichor--the Poison of Subversion and the Ichor of Treason.

Foolhardy daredevils can watch his stream of mistruths as they pour out of interweb tubes straight from the White House's Mind Control Center. No doubt, the self-styled President's message will be beamed into our brains by infrared laser beams from secret satellites, or distilled into liquid form and injected into our water supplies. I'm taking no chances:

Sure, the White House says the Kenyan-born usurper is "simply" going to "encourage" children by delivering a "positive" message in "support" of "education." But do you know who else told schoolchildren to work hard, stay in school and take responsibility for themselves? HITLER!

(Probably. I’m not sure. Maybe it was Stalin).*

Like Glenn Beck on Fox News, I fear that it may be too late to stop this juggernaut of treachery... this farrago of insidious lies.

It may too late to get my America back. You know, the America with tall glasses of milk and warm cookies after school. The America where housewives wear lace-trimmed aprons while mixing Manhattans, and fathers tuck briar pipes into the pockets of their cardigans. The America with a new Chevrolet in the driveway and segregated swimming pools.

Since it may be too late, I write this post for posterity and dedicate the following poem to future generations. My prayer is that as they huddle together in caves and wander aimlessly amidst the smoldering ruins of western civilization, they will read it and learn, just as our forebears were enlightened by the poem by Martin Niemöller which inspired me. (And that also happens to be about Nazis).

First they came and told us to work hard,
and I didn’t speak up,
because that’s not the way I roll.
Also, is this going to be on the test?

Then they came and told us to stay in school,
and I’m all like, "Uh, dude?
How’s that different from the first thing?"
I’m just sayin’. Jeez.

Then they told us to take responsibility,
and I’m like, "Don’t go getting’ all up in my grill...
bitch."
Yeah, that's right, I said it.

Then they like came for me,
and I’m all like:
"Whatever."

If you enjoy reading about truly deranged conspiracy theories, here's a story from Salon regarding another reason the President may want to talk to schoolchildren on September 8th.

* Correction: It was Mr. T who told kids to stay in school. Also: "Don't do drugs."

While we're at it, do we really want schoolchildren to learn how to spell? Here's the incompairabel doushebag, Glen Beck, spelling "oligarhy." For keyboard-playing cat lovers, the clip ends with a mind-cleansing musical number. [Editor's note: The foregoing sentence should have read, "For people who love keyboard playing cats ...", I think.]



For those readers who can't get enough of Mr. Beck, here's a fun little remix: