I humbly seek your most urgent attention for a matter of most import. To my attention has come news that a musical group of note by which is known as “Bourbon Jockey” will be performing at your city at the soonest Monday night from this date. It has been my dream of my lifetime to enjoy such musical pleasure in the city of Portland Orgon.
My late-uncle, who was most fortunate to be Minister of Foreign Culture in the nation of Absurdistan before his recent death, wished me to have this absurd pleasure. Having wished that for me and to assure such would take place, he placed a sum of $3,000,000 million US dollars in a secret account. This sum to be used to travel me to listen to your Bourbon Jockey, of which I am biggest fan, on December the 3, 2012 at the occasion of Profile Theatre opening of the house for announcement.
Having demised unfortunately of an accident, my uncle failed to leave instructions regarding the sending of this money to my account for the purpose of hearing Bourbon Jockey. My remaining relatives which are of evil intention have made to block me from my due right to this sum. More so, I am locked in a closet and prevented from all person contact except by the internets.
Of favor to me and in interest of your enjoyment of fine music, I am implore you to visit the Bourbon Jockey performance on December 3. It is of my knowledge that Bourbon Jockey makes western music of roots variety for the enjoyment of the people and the drinking of the beer.
I ask of your assistance to please attend this most important event for to write to me describing its wonders after its completion. This way I will have enjoyment too. Also, it would be of true assistance to also send me your bank account number and all codes which are necessary for making it of access to me.
Sincerely and with honest hope,
Mrs. Martha Kwesi Ubunde
WHO: BOURBON JOCKEY
WHEN: Monday, December 3, 2012. From 6:00 to 8:00+
WHY: Profile Theatre Open House/Season Playwright Announcement
WHERE: 3430 SE Belmont Street, Portland OR
HOW: By the plucking of stringed instruments, vocalization and blowing of reeds.
WHO, EXACTLY, IS BOURBON JOCKEY?
Ross McKeen (aka Mighty Toy Cannon): Vocal, Guitar, Harmonica
Matthew Jones (aka Mr. Jones): Bass
Alan Cole (aka The Perfesser): Guitar and harmony vocals
+ Mystery Guest Saxophonian, Nathan