Live From I-5!

I am heading north to Seattle where Americans for the Arts is holding its annual convention, but I’m running into a spot of traffic just north of the Columbia River… which gives me an idea. How about liveblogging my trip to the Emerald City?!? I usually just speed through jamming on my ipod or visiting with my traveling companions, but this time I am alone, and I left my ipod in the trunk, so wouldn’t you love to hear my impressions of I-5 and Seattle as I make this magical journey with my eyes wide open for the first time in a long time? Don’t worry, I can TOTALLY type and drive at the same time.

2:25. Black Jack Fireworks! This always reminds me of the Deep Thought: What if you brought your kids here to purchase some crazy pyrotechnics for the 4th of July (just around the corner!) and it was burned down?

2:48. Hey, when did they take down the nuclear reactor?!?

3:07. Hard to find a radio station that works out here, but I can barely make out enough to sing along and wave my finger: “That’s not my name! That’s not my name!” I think I just frightened the poor lady driving next to me.

3:22. We’ve got some OK public art in Portland, but nothing like the bad-ass Jesus-like dude perched atop a giant rusty scepter with several orbs nearby -- right along the Interstate. Is this what Rio de Janeiro looks like?

3:28. Oops. Twelve miles in five minutes. Slowing down to 67MPH.

3:32. There’s that cute mega billboard featuring a cartoon picture of Uncle Sam. Small town pride. This time, the words are, “Where's the birth certificate?” I’m not sure what that means exactly -- perhaps someone from this nice little village can't register for the military until his mother finds the right papers -- but isn’t it wonderful how much renewed patriotism there seems to be now that Obama is in office?



3:45. I always liked Centralia. There’s a charming little hotel just off the freeway (I can see it from here) just at the edge of a huge lake – more than 100 feet across – where children are playing in paddleboats and inflatable rafts. Just over yonder is a retail outlet mall with 18 different merchants from Wrangler to Lee, and I see plenty of fast food joints. Who could ask for anything more?

4:11. How cooooool. It’s the Great Wolfe Lodge! I’m so goin’ to the lodge. I play a few rounds of craps before the kids convince me to take a ride on the Howlin’ Tornado waterslide. Wow that was fun, but sorry kids, I gotta run.



6:30. Olympia, baby!!! I pull over to ask where I can get an Olympia Beer to quench my thirst, but apparently they don’t make it here anymore. Man, that sucks.

6:46. They should totally make a beer called Old Nisqually.

6:55. Either there’s a military base nearby, or a gay beer bust, because there are all these cute guys wearing camouflage driving around in jeeps.

7:14. Holy cow, it’s another entertainment megaplex: Wild Waves. You would think that the farther north you go the cooler and wetter the climate, and the more folks would stay indoors, but apparently this is some kind of banana belt because Washington seriously loves their water sports.

7:19. What the hell is that?



7:31. More bitchin public art! It’s like an homage to alien visitors, as if a giant spacecraft has just landed and – oh wait. It’s just the Tacoma Dome and Styx is playing tonight.

7:32. Who farted?

9:30. Wow, this is one big city. I can tell because I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam between SeaTac and Boeing Field for the past two hours.

10:15. Finally, I land in Seattle. And boy are my arms tired, HA. You didn't think I could do it, did you?

Interestingly enough, the people here don’t really look any different. I don’t know, it’s not like I expected them to be literally green, but… I don’t know. I thought I’d have to teach them how to pronounce “Oregon” or something, but they seem pretty normal.

Oh well. I’m off to ride the Space Needle! More tomorrow.