"Dude! I just drove to Vancouver and spent $200 on fireworks!"
"Cool. I can't wait until the Fourth of July is here."
"Me neither. I suppose we could light off a few tonight."
"Righteous! Let's do it!"
"I mean after it's dark and everything."
"That's cool. I can wait until dark."
"Well, just a few right now wouldn't hurt. I got plenty. Maybe just the loud ones. I'm gonna save the sparkly ones for nighttime."
"All right! Got a lighter?"
"Yeah. Hand me a beer first."
Today's Oregonian was graced by a full page ad for fireworks placed by an outfit named "The Bomber Brothers."
At the top of the ad is this warning:
Products in this ad are for sale and use in Washington only."
In the middle of the ad is this reminder:
No July 5th sales this year. Don't forget to stock up!
Let that be a warning to you.
In honor of Independence Day, I’ve taken the liberty (get it?) of categorizing the various product names from this morning’s ad. I only made up one of them.
The Whole Empire
Wave with Pride
Fear No Evil
Loyal to None
MENTAL HEALTH RELATED:
Crazy Excited on Steroids
Ground Bloom Flowers
Black Hawk Helicopter
Arial (sic) Assault
DESCRIPTIVE (in order of intensity):
Pop Goes the Fountain
Fast & Furious
One Bad Mother
One Bad Mother-in-Law
Holy @%&$, It’s LOUD!
Desert at Night
Garden in Spring
Rouen Cathedral, Symphony in Grey and Rose